Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair

Someone on TLR was complaining that their code wasn't working right and I, being the benevolent and wonderful person that I am, offered to help, as I would any fellow coder. Especially when they're complaining about CSS. CSS can be so fucking annoying at times. I wanted to take the opportunity to kick CSS's ass for annoying people.

Turns out, he wasn't coding. He was using other people's CSS layouts for his shitty Kingdom Hearts fansite on freehostia. The site itself should have been enough warning for me, but nooo - I had to give him the benefit of the doubt.

So I ask him what he's trying to do, and he shows me the old CSS, takes it down, puts the new CSS up (each stage takes roughly 10 minutes, I don't know why) and all he's trying to do is change the plain background to a fixed image. Simple enough, right? But what's he's done is taken an entire new CSS layout from a different person, that has the background he wants, and used that instead of the old code. Then complained that his old layout wasn't the same. I mean, he was changing roughly 200 lines of CSS here in copying the whole damn file from someone, then wondering why the rest of his site didn't look the same.

So I explain to him that changing the background image is fairly simple, and he should go back to the old CSS file and we'll edit that. I'm still feeling fairly nice and generous at this point, even if I am sitting there seething at him for a) being such an idiot and b) telling me that he was 'coding' in the first place. I figure I got myself into this, for offering to help people. That's what you get for being nice, really. I should know that.

Anyhow, we go back to the old CSS and I give him the chunk of code that he needs and tell him to copy/paste it into the body class of his CSS. Whoops. How stupid of me. I thought maybe, as he was telling me that he was having troubles merging the two CSS files together so they worked properly, that he might understand a tiny bit of CSS. No. Not the case. He takes what I gave him and pastes it straight into the HTML, then cries at me when the raw code shows up on his site rather than actually acting like, y'know, code.

I figure 'okay, it'll be too much work to explain to him about editing the actual CSS file that he took, uploaded, and linked to in the header*, so I'll just make him put things inside style tags in the HTML'. I try this. I give him the exact tags and tell him to copy/paste, before and after the chunk of code I gave him. He ignores that and types them in, with typos, then cries at me because the closing tag wasn't right so it managed to break the rest of his html and now nothing works.

I try to explain to him that he typod in the closing tag, and give him another one to copy/paste. He goes 'but that's exactly what I did!' I tell him it's not, I'm looking at it right now and it blatantly says 'stype' rather than 'style'. He gets a little freaked out that I can read his code, but eventually fixes it.

So okay, we've finally got the background image right. Now the text is too dark and can't be read over the dark background. I ask him if he'd rather make the text lighter or change the background of the 'boxes' (read: scrolling divs) to a lighter colour so that the text can be read. He replies to this with 'huh'. No question mark, so I assume he was just making a 'thinking about it' noise and give him a minute. Or two. Or ten. Then I realise he didn't understand the question. I rephrase it in simpler terms and he chooses to change the backgrounds of the boxes.

Now I have to sit and trawl through the depths of this goddamned ugly, unnoted code in order to find the code for the boxes that we need to change. Whilst doing this I get exasperated at the ugliness of this horrible code and express that to him, hoping for a little sympathy. Instead I get an indignant reply of 'My code isn't ugly! What the fuck!?'

No, really. That's seriously what he said. I am in shock at this point. I'd already worked out that this guy was an idiot, but he really honestly thinks that stealing someone else's code is coding, and that it makes it his code. When he doesn't even understand the most basic concepts of said code. I just...I don't know how to deal with that kind of mind-numbing idiocy and I've just wasted the last hour and a half on him. I can't take anymore. I log off MSN and go bang my head against a wall.

Why didn't I shout at him/block him from MSN/give him anything that he deserves, you ask? Because, like I said, I know this guy from TLR. If I do any of that shit he'll start mouthing off about me in chat and then I'll have to mute him for mouthing off and then people will get mad at me because I, obviously, muted him for mouthing off about me rather than just mouthing off in general and I'm a horrible biased mod who doesn't deserve the title and...

Basically, I didn't want to start any drama. TLR has enough of it as it is**. I shall just not speak in chat for the rest of tonight and pretend my internet died if I see him tomorrow. He'll be over his idiotic problems by then, right?






*How the fuck did he manage to do that part right, by the way? I've not got my head around that, yet.

**If you really want I'll rant about TLR-drama later. And the fact that mods are inhuman monsters that should be fought against with every ounce of willpower you possess. Viva la revolution!***

***If you really need me to tell you that that was sarcasm, please do me a favour and bash your own head against a wall, to save me the trouble.