Sunshine

Woke up this morning to a phone call from my sister demanding money. I can't think of many worse ways to wake up. She even told me, yesterday, that she would be able to pay the rent today, but then this morning denied saying that. Great. My dad's also demanding money for Glastonbury next week so although Rambo got paid today we have roughly £100 left to last us the whole month. That would be fine, if all we had to do was buy food. That would be great. But unfortunately, the rent my sister's paying today is two weeks late, which means we have to actually pay rent in another two weeks. Which we shouldn't have to give my sister as I've just given her money but she's not going to be able to afford her half of the rent again and demand more off of me.

Fuck it. I might have some benefits sorted by then. If not, rent will be a couple weeks late again. I can't bring myself to care anymore today. I was looking forward to going and sitting in the sun and I'm refusing to let money troubles ruin my day.

Later, in the park:

You know, I got some new glasses a couple days ago. Needed them for over a year but since it took me so goddamn long to get benefits sorted out I just couldn't afford them* so have been dealing with blurry vision for that long. Now that I can see again I spent the first half hour I was here just lying there staring up at the clouds. It's not something I really noticed when everything was blurry - I didn't miss being able to see the clouds, I didn't even think about the fact that the clouds were blurry. But now that I can see the shapes of the clouds again I'm just absolutely fascinated. Clouds are hypnotising. Hey look, that one there looks like a puppy. Aww.

Even later, still in the park:

Wow. The combination of peace & quiet and a lack of internet is apparently an excellent remedy for writer's block. Managed to write 1000 words in a mere half an hour. I feel very nostalgic; I used to do my best writing sitting outside. Usually up a tree, notebook in hand. I can't believe how much I've missed writing outside. Very, very glad I bought myself this laptop. Although, as little as typing hurts compared to old-fashioned pen and paper writing, my wrists are crying at me from that stint. I think it's time to pull the book out again.



*Strangely enough, as soon as I got benefits backdated, got a bit of money through and could afford them, I suddenly didn't need to. Now that I'm actually receiving ESA the NHS will pay for my glasses. How wonderfully fucked up.