Ranting

(WARNING: Incoming depression/aggression rant. Don't take it to heart, I'm not always this emo/angry.)

Rambo makes me feel like such crap for daring to ask for help sometimes. I was rather broken last night, due to the combination of still being broken from the night before and making the stupid mistake of showering myself* and subsequently was unable to make myself any food. Partly because Rambo had done no washing up for days and I can't do it, and partly because he likes to eat all my ready-meals out of laziness. I fucking hate when he does that. I hate that I have to buy expensive ready-meals anyway but he doesn't have to make it worse and then leave me hungry! Oh, we also keep a box of pre-grated cheese in the fridge so that I can make my own sandwiches when things get like that, but he doesn't like to actually fill that up for me. He'll grate exactly enough for whatever he's making at the time and then leave the rest of the block as is. Literally, as is, he won't even cover it up with cling-film and then it goes all hard and horrible. While we're on the subject, I got myself a nice easy-cup kettle** so I could make myself tea but I still can't fill it up as the top where you pour water in is ridiculously small so if I try and do it with just a glass of water at a time I just make a huge mess. He keeps using it out of laziness and not topping it up for me. Then I can't make tea. I'm English, I need tea!

Anyway, point is, no easy-to-make meals left that didn't require a saucepan, no clean saucepans, and I was starving. I figured 'ok, that's not so bad, I'll get Rambo to quickly rinse one for me and then I can make soup. Yumyum soup!' So I asked Rambo for a bit of help...and he sighed and got stroppy and told me he was in the middle of something and he'd help me in a bit. I go 'ok' and sit down to watch some TV. An hour passes, I ask if he's done yet, he tells me that he's doing an EVE mission for God's sake and I should know those take awhile. I go 'ok' again, go back to my TV. Hour passes, I get bored of TV, ask Rambo if he's done yet, he gets really stroppy and snaps at me to quit bothering him, he'll let me know when he's done. I got pretty upset at this point, as I'm only asking him for two minutes of his time to rinse a saucepan for me. So I sit and cry quietly for a bit, cause if I cry loudly at him he'd get stroppy at me for getting upset over nothing. He carries on playing EVE and doesn't notice my crying.

I eventually got my soup, four and a half hours after first asking, at two o'clock in the morning. I kind of wanted to go to bed before that, but I'd had nothing to eat all day and figured it wasn't healthy, so I waited.

You know, he gets annoyed with me when I don't eat too. As, for the last couple months, as my wrists have been a bit worse, I've been pretty bad at getting myself food and have generally been eating one meal a day because usually once a day people will make me food and the rest of the time I just choose hunger over pain. I wish I had some working painkillers so I could make food regardless. I wish I had enough money coming in that I could afford take-aways when Rambo won't help me. I wish Rambo wouldn't eat all my fucking easy-to-make food, and drink all my easy-to-get drinks, and buy drinks in 2ltr bottles so that I need his help for anything other than water.

BLARGH!

(...on a side note, I ranted at him a bit earlier today when he wasn't busy and he apologised. But I'd already started typing this up and figured I should finish it. I had nothing else to write about. *shrugs*)

*Please, if I'm ever considering attempting this, talk me out of it. Every now and then I get the stupid idea in my head that 'it's not that bad, it can't possibly be as bad as I remember it, I've been overplaying it for sympathy, right?' WRONG. I do this with washing up too. Oh, and changing the bedclothes - I can't lift the mattress to tuck the sheet under and I need to stop thinking I can! Damn my desire for cleanliness!

**You know, the kind where you just have to press a button, put a mug under it, and it will dispense hot water. Yay for not having to lift the kettle!