Tehfux?

So, got two letters through about ESA this morning, one a cheque of £150 for two weeks where they missed payment, the other a P45. Very confused, I rung up and asked, was told that my appeal (that I don't remember making?) was struck out and they're going to stop paying me, hence the P45, and they shouldn't have sent that cheque and someone made an error there, and if I want ESA I'm going to have to make a new claim and they won't pay me anything until they've given me a medical (which I'll probably have to appeal, as the main process of their medicals seem to be 'can you move your limb here?' which bendies don't really have a problem with).

Broke down and cried. Not sure I have the mental stamina to handle anything else today, let alone a long, drawn-out phone call to make a new ESA claim.

It took me 2 years to get to the point where they would give me any money, then after backdating 6 months worth I've had nothing. Except this cheque which I don't know whether I should cash as I don't know whether they'll insist on taking that money back off me as she said I shouldn't have it.

I thought I would finally be able to pay rent and pay off all my debts, and buy food that wasn't asda smartprice crap that's hell on my IBS, and buy an electric fucking wheelchair and have some fucking independence. But no. I'm not allowed any of that, obviously. Don't know why I thought differently.

EDIT: Considered asking CAB for help but I'm in no state to be making any phone calls, and they don't do email advice around here apparently, and there's no centres within walking distance (200m, roughly). Ha, I need their help to get a wheelchair so I can get to their centre and ask them for help. Godfuckingdammit.

Rambo's promised to call everywhere and shout at everyone on Monday for me. Is very lovely of him, but I'm going to be stressing out and crying all weekend.